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The Secret Lives of WivesBy: Iris Krasnow A bestselling, groundbreaking author investigates wives who thrive, sharing their uncensored strategies for staying married. Americas high divorce rate is well known. But little attention has been paid to the flip side: couples who creatively manage to build marriages that are lasting longer than we ever thought possible. Whats the secret? To find out, bestselling journalist Iris Krasnow interviewed more than two hundred wives whose
By: Iris KrasnowA bestselling, groundbreaking author investigates wives who thrive, sharing their uncensored strategies for staying married.
America’s high divorce rate is well known. But little attention has been paid to the flip side: couples who creatively manage to build marriages that are lasting longer than we ever thought possible. What’s the secret? To find out, bestselling journalist Iris Krasnow interviewed more than two hundred wives whose marriages have survived for fifteen to seventy years.
In raw, candid, sometimes titillating stories, Krasnow’s cast of wise women give voice to the truth about marriage and the importance of maintaining a strong sense of self apart from the relationship. Some spend summers separately from their partners. Some make time for wine with the girls. One septuagenarian has a recurring date with an old flame from high school. In every case, the marriage operates on many tracks, giving both spouses license to pursue the question “Who am I apart from my marriage?”
Krasnow’s goal is to give women permission to create their own marriages at any age. Marital bliss is possible, she says, if each partner is blissful apart from the other. For anyone who wants to stay married and stay sane, this is the book to read!
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4.2 ★★★★★
Based on 26 reviews
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Product Reviews
★★★★★ 5
Valuable perspective; moving; beautiful
Format: Hardcover
I loved this book. I devoured the entire thing in one sitting on a Sunday afternoon. It's a beautiful and tragic and warm story all at the same time. I feel like a lot of times when we hear about the Vietnam war in the United States, it's told from the perspective of American soldiers rather than the Southern Vietnamese who lost their home land. Really refreshing to see this diverse and nuanced perspective. I look forward to Thi Bui's future works.
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Reviewed in the United States on August 23, 2022
★★★★★ 5
This book healed me
Format: Paperback
Beautifully written and illustrated. Although Thi Bui and I have astronomically different life experiences, I still found I could relate on a deeply personal level. This book taught me empathy and forgiveness at a time in my life where I struggled to have it. Bui nailed the complicated feelings and emotions that comes with confronting abuse, abusers (who happen to be your parents), and the painful impact of generational trauma on both the parent and child.
Highly recommend this book to anyone who is on a path of healing their own broken heart.
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Reviewed in the United States on June 16, 2023
★★★★★ 4
Powerful Family History
Format: Paperback
After the birth of her son, Thi Bui feels an increased sense of urgency about learning the stories of her own parents. Like all but her youngest sibling, she was born in Vietnam, though the children came of age in the United States. While the war itself haunts all of them, was the reason they left their homeland, the wounds her parents bear go far beyond the military conflict. This was only the second graphic novel I’ve ever read (both have been memoirs), and like the first was also selected by my book club. I feel like the limitations of the format mean it will always be a less preferred one for me, because I found myself wanting more words, more depth to the writing itself. But the story is deeply compelling, detailing her father’s brutal childhood, her mother’s much softer one, how they came together, and how the Vietnam War disrupted the future they thought they might have. It’s not as straightforward as “Americans bad”, and Bui is not afraid of the moral ambiguity of that time and place, where the best interests of the majority of the Vietnamese people was an open question for larger forces that seemed to have little room for consideration of what might have actually made regular lives easier to lead. And apart from the larger geopolitical machinations around them, the family had their own share of tragedy, including the death of their first child and a later stillbirth. But three living children and another on the way was enough for her parents to make frantic arrangements to leave, finally succeeding and eventually making their way to the United States. But of course, that was not the end of their story, just the beginning of a new chapter. Bui’s childhood as she depicts it makes it clear that it wasn’t the stuff dreams are made of, but what shines through is her tremendous empathy for her parents and how they became the people she experienced them as. Overarching the narrative is a meditation on parenthood, as it is the birth of her own child that inspires her to ask her parents more. They might have made major mistakes, but it is clear that they loved their children and did what they thought was best for them, making countless sacrifices to give them the best opportunities possible, even if that love was not always shown the way that they wanted and needed to feel it. Vietnamese perspectives on the war in their country were not something I was exposed to growing up (honestly the Vietnam War itself wasn’t something I remember being taught with particular rigor in high school apart from its connection to electoral politics), and I appreciated learning more about the history of the country and how the people who actually lived through the conflict thought about it. Even though this is not my preferred format, I think Bui uses it well to engage in some non-linear storytelling and to very literally illustrate what she’s trying to get it, like the way she parallels the way her relatively rural parents must have felt seeing Saigon for the first time with the way she felt when she first moved to New York, a sense of awe and possibility. It’s a powerful, moving work and I would recommend picking it up!
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Reviewed in the United States on February 3, 2026
★★★★★ 5
Truly, the best we could do
Format: Kindle
An excerpt from my analysis essay I submitted for my literature course: By revisiting her family’s past from before, during, and after the Vietnam War, she gained a deeper understanding of the emotional burdens her parents carried and the sacrifices they made that defined the entirety of their lives. Bui’s illustrated graphic memoir reveals that trauma does not simply disappear over time; instead, it becomes inherited, processed, and transformed. Through this process, Thi Bui is able to move toward empathy for her parents, acceptance of who they are, and a more complete sense of self.
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Reviewed in the United States on April 21, 2026
★★★★★ 5
Phenomenal. A must-read!
Format: Paperback
I first learned about this book only a week ago when visiting my sister for Thanksgiving in Eugene, Oregon. We went to the Jordan Schnitzer Museum of Art where I saw some work on display by the author, and there was a copy of her book available to look at, so I perused through and decided to buy it and read it. I'm so glad that I did! This is an incredible, poetic story that spans four generations, multiple wars and conflicts, and examines the fragility of the author's relationship with her parents and with her sense of place and motherhood. This book is one of the best I've read in a long time, and the art is moving and beautiful. It gave me new insight into the struggles of refugee life, and created a truly relatable narrative. I devoured this story in one Saturday. I highly recommend it.
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Reviewed in the United States on December 2, 2018
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